Well tomorrow is the day. My older sister and I will be going to meet with my new Dr. This isn't something I really wanted. Of course I didn't want to have to go to the Doctor, but I really didn't want anyone going along. I guess I have a problem with depending on others. I know she wants to be there for support and hear what he has to say but the truth of it is, I don't want anyone to see me scared. I did have a hard time when the first Doctor looked at me and said "honey, I believe you have Parkinsons Disease." Now that was a shock. It took a while to sink in and then came the tears. All of these questions flooded my tiny over worked brain.
1. Are you sure???
2. Could it happen to someone in their 30's ? (by the way I'm still in my 30's til April)
3. Does this mean it's hereditary?
4. What am I supposed to tell my son, my parents, my friends?
5. Could I have passed this on to Parker?
6. How fast will it progress?
7. They are getting close to a cure aren't they?
8. Will it be noticeable to other people?
9. Could it be some other disease they have medication for?
10. Is my hand always going to do this?
Ohhh, I could go on and on with the questions. I have read every article on the web and watched every you tube video and still have questions. I really wish I had a kill switch in my brain at this moment. I would be hitting that button pretty fucking hard right now. I have got to find that inner something, that says chill. Not chill, like not feel anything. If that was the case, I'd enjoy and hour with the bottle of UV in my fridge and not feel until morning. The chill I need, is peace. I am scared to death at this moment.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring answers. If I don't get the answers or find the peace, me and that UV are hooking up. So if the next update is filled with F bombs followed by a whole bunch of I LOVE YOU MAN. You will indeed know that the next post will cover ---how to cure a hangover.
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