Shortly after dx I of course got a degree from Google on Parkinson's. While studying hard to get this degree, I stumbled upon a message board, forum call it what you may, full of people who were diagnosed before the age of 40. I quickly began following Mary's posts, as she was very well informed and had been living with the Shit Pot Disease for five years. Hers did seem to progress quickly, and this did scare the shit out of me. She was a book of knowledge. When my foot gave me problems, she had the answer. When I had nearly bled to death trying to shave my legs, she was there with a remedy. So, you get the picture. She was very kind, and would email me daily or at the least every other day. She was a stay at home mom of two college students. They lived out east and by the pictures she had sent, seemed to have the all American dream, well with the exception of hitting the Jig Jackpot at an early age.
I had kept most of our conversations to myself, as I did many things at that point. I woke one morning to realize I hadn't heard from her in a week. I sent off a cute little email and nothing. She had not posted on any boards and quite frankly I missed her. Then I remembered she had spoken of a trip the family was taking. I knew when she returned she would get in touch. A month passed, and no word. I emailed for almost two months before I got an email.
So here is the hard part. He was asking if she had given any hints as to why she would do this? He needed answers and honestly I probably could have given him a few. He said she was perfectly normal. Oh for fucks sake, she wasn't normal. She had been fighting a progressive disease that was moving at the pace of an Amtrak in her brain. I so badly wanted to now ask him questions. Like, so in the morning do you really think she just stands by the toaster as to not burn your waffles? No, her legs are hurting and it's much easier to just stand there. Did you ever notice she was always up before you? She got up early as to get meds kicked in before you seen her. Do you really think she didn't want to sleep in the same bed with you? Of course she did, but the leg cramps would have awaken you as well, so she makes excuse to sleep in guest bedroom. By chance did you ever notice that you don't have a glass jar in the house? This is because carrying glass jars in the house make a huge mess if you happen to drop them, not to mention getting a grip on a jar to open is nearly impossible. Were you surprised at how good her hair looked lately? She had a friend come over every other day to fix it, as her hand had a hard time holding the brush, not to mention with the tremors she would have had a bee hive hair do. One last question I really wanted to ask him....Did you ever try and talk about how she was doing? Don't let that, "I am fine" fool you, she was aching inside. She was scared to death of embarrassing her family. Her daughters still young with bright futures and a handsome husband that deserved more then what she felt she could give him.
Well Today is a good day so far.