Another doctor

Tomorrow morning I will be heading south to see yet another doctor.  This physician comes highly recommended by my primary neurologist.  Apparently,  Dr. Tony (neurologist) feels as though I could greatly benefit from spending some time with Dr. Elble, he is head of the neurology department at Southern Illinois University and has been studying movement disorders for over thirty years.  Of course, I had to do a little fact-finding of my own, and I must admit he seems to be at the top of his game.  According to my findings, he specializes in young on set Parkinson's, and heads many of the clinical trials dealing with this shit pot disease.  It certainly can't hurt to add one more to the list.

Most that know me are already aware that I have a medical degree from the University of Google.  Yes people, if it can be found by googling it, I have read it, probably twice.  When my Mom was diagnosed I would sit for hours, and try to find all the information that I could to help make her life easier.  When I was diagnosed it was as if I had never heard of the disease.  Everything that I read took on a whole new meaning.  I was no longer reading as the care giver, I was not trying to help someone else, I was on an mission to help myself and I was fucking scared to death.  Truth be told, I am still scared.  I wake up in the middle of the night and just lie there wondering what the future holds for me.  I have said it before, but the dementia is what freaks me out the most. I know that it could be years, if I even develop that, but it still scares the hell out of me. 

I have decided to go to this appointment alone.  I am sure you all know that my dear sister felt it be her obligation to go as well.  I appreciate the thought, I honestly do.  I just feel the need to do this one by myself.  I have a list of questions for the new brain doctor.  I have a feeling he is going to wish Dr Tony had kept me all to himself.  None the less, I am going to try to get answers to questions, until now I have been afraid to say out loud.  I think that I may need this hour long ride home to just regroup.  Take in all the info this medical guru hands me and spend this time with myself.  We shall see what tomorrow brings, hope it's all good news.

Today has been a good day.