Control freak

Thank God for the Internet. No--really I am not sure how much books would have cost me to begin learning about this shit pot of a  disease. I guess- - well I know, I am a bit of a control freak. Learning all I can about this fucked up disease makes me feel a bit more in control. I have been this way my whole life. When most kids were picking teams I was figuring out new better rules for the game. Not that they needed to be changed it was just,  I like things my way. So this is why so many times in life I struggle. Oh, the old saying when life gives you lemons you must make lemonade. Yea, well fuck all that. I want to change the recipe. I need one person squeezing the lemons--one person measuring the sugar-- one person to stir and I'll decide what we do with the final product.  I would say this makes me sound a bit controlling.  But, doesn't life make us all a  that way?  Can we really just sit around and wait for others to decide which direction our life will take?  Someone has to be steering this ride of life.  I have been steering for a very long time, and now it feels as though my Volkswagen to the future is set on auto pilot and I have no control.

Please note the over the top Volkswagen above,  I may not be able to control everything but if  my journey ahead is going to be a shitty one, I am travelling in style.  This is going to be my new approach at things.  I am going to accept the things I can not change. I can not change the fact that I have hit the Jig Jackpot.  My body at times is going to have a mind all it's own and that's how it is.  I have to accept the fact that this isn't a game that I can change the rules on.  I am simply put, a pawn in the game of life.   Just  to set the record straight here, I am not giving in.  I will not lose.  I am just adjusting what I consider a win.