Glad I didn't know

Recently a question was asked of me and I can't stop thinking about it.  I guess, I should start by explaining a bit.  At one of my many doctors appointments, they had me to try and remember any doctor I may had seen and for what, in the last fifteen years.  To be honest, it wasn't real tough.  I wont bore you with the details of them all, but the majority could be related to Parkinson's.  So, have I had this shit pot of a disease disorder that long?  It is quite possible, so that leads me to the question.  Would you have had children, knowing you had hit the jig jackpot?  This question keeps running through my head over and over.  Not actually trying to find and answer, but because I feel so blessed, not to have known.  I am so fucking glad that fifteen years ago, Parkinson's was not even a disease that I was remotely familiar with.  I would have had to analyze every aspect of it.  Would I  physically be capable of caring for an infant?  Would I mentally be able to raise a small child?  How fast will this disease progress, and on and on. If indeed, I had this disorder fifteen years ago, I thank God for not letting me know. 

This young man is my heart and soul and I can not imagine a day in my life without him.  Instead of feeling angry at the fact that my well nourished ass is having a hard time walking, I feel blessed to have my son walking beside me.  Instead of feeling uptight about the shimmy shake I have acquired, I feel loved when my son is there to lend a hand.  Instead of wondering what I would have done, I celebrate what I have done.  I believe that there is a reason that I am one of the few people my age living with this godawful disease, but I also know that there is a reason that I didn't know until now.  Many nights I have gone to bed feeling cheated, so to speak.  Feeling that life isn't quite fair some times, but not tonight.  Tonight, I am feeling so blessed that I didn't know earlier in life.  My life could have been so very, very different.  For that alone I am thankful.

Today has been a good day.