Patient of the month

This is pretty much how my day began.  Well, my knees are not quite that large compared to my legs and just for the record they were perfectly shaven.  I went to the Kid Rock concert last night, couldn't take the chance of getting back stage with whiskered legs.   This appointment had been scheduled for a few weeks. Therefore, I had plenty of time to worry my little mind about it.  I had even jokingly said, "can't wait for them to say hold perfectly still."   The torture chamber was scheduled to begin at 7:30.  At 7:45 I was informed that I needed a pregnancy test, I am only assuming this is routine and not because I look so well nourished.  Me being Polly prepared had emptied my bladder not once, but twice prior to my appointment.  Approximately one gallon of water and two separate trips to the little girls room, I had just enough for the kind lady to perform her test.  I will spare you all the details of the first trip, let me just say that my shimmy shimmy, shake made it rather difficult to hit that tiny cup and I now know why there is hand sanitizer everywhere in a hospital.  Needless to say, the test was negative and I was cleared for take off.  Well, sort of.  The ever dreaded question was then asked  "are you going to be able to hold still for thirty minutes?"  Ok, are you fucking kidding me?  I am here for tremors on my entire right side at this point, and you think I can just shut it off?  I am not some cheap ass vibrator that just quits when my batteries run low.  A phone call to the lovely Neurologist and one small pill later, I was tired enough and was then prepared for battle.  They started with an exquisite little bootie that covered my hair and placed a pillow under my legs.  Next they strapped my right leg to the table, placed tiny pillows on each side of my head and lastly a strap across my forehead and I was ready to enter the tube of terror.  The thirty minutes actually flew by, oh did I mention earplugs?  Oh yes, I looked pretty chic at this point.  They then rolled me out and put in an IV.  They said the next part would last only five minutes and I would be free.  Well, the gallon of liquid I ingested earlier had now filled my bladder and I now felt as though I was carrying a watermelon inside me.  In the chute I went and it hit me. 

I was sick.  I had this feeling before, but it was usually after a fun filled Saturday night.  At this point I am flat on my back and my head is strapped to the table.  There was no stopping the inevitable, I was going to loose it.  I yelled that I was going to be sick and at this point I am assuming the little MRI man called for back up.  They were quick to release my head and roll me on my side.  I felt like one of the pumpkins that all the inside had fallen out of.    

I was quite embarrassed and scared at this point.  By the look on the technicians face this was not how he had planned his morning either.  He then said to me "let me go see if we got all the pictures we need."  I was quite spirited when I explained to him that indeed he had all the pictures he was getting and now would be a good time to let this well nourished girl get cleaned up.  I left the hospital a short time later.  I don't think I will be getting any patient of the month award. 
Today has not been the best.