Here in central Illinois you never know what the weather will be like in February or any month as far as that goes. I can remember many times Halloween costumes being ruined by a big parka and boots. Thanksgiving day spent digging out the grandparents so we can deliver dinner to them. Christmas day playing outside and others spent in to spare our souls from the frigid weather. 4th of July parties hanging out  indoors because of the chill in the air and others so hot you couldn't get out of the pool.  I watched my son play basketball outside today and remembered a few weeks ago we had gotten 14 inches of snow.  How is it things can change so quickly?  I know everyone has heard the old saying " your life can change in a second."   Maybe the first person to say that had suffered some split second tragedy.  Maybe, they had lost someone close to them.  Then again, maybe they lost a bit of their self. 

I remember the first doctor that looked at me and said "I think you have Parkinson's."  I really don't think it bothered me much.  It was like when your a kid, and your parent grounds you for a month.  Yea, I will be out of the house in two days.  Then the second doctor comes in and in a mono tone type of voice says "I must agree with that, you have all the signs of young onset Parkinson's disease."  Ok, now this one hit a little harder.  Like when your a teenager and your Dad grabs your car keys.  He waves them in front of you and then throws them up in the air and as soon as he starts to catch them says "I will be holding on to these for a while."  Just as the keys hit his hand you can feel it in your gut, he means business.   Now the third doctor was like your parents when you had to tell them you were no longer attending the college courses that they had so graciously paid for.  The look of disappointment hurt really bad.  That is how my really cute, really nice, totally sweet doctor looked at me. He was disappointed.  I think that he knew, I was hunting for another diagnosis.  Did I say he smelled good as well?  He did, and his dark hair with those blue eyes,  the same eyes that closed so ever slowly as he said those terrible words ----Parkinson's!   My life will be forever changed.   It really didn't hit me until a day or so later in the hallway of the hospital.  I was standing alone, yet all three of those doctors seemed to be with me.  That was the second my life changed.  I had lost a bit of myself.  The self that I had pictured at say, eighty was different now. This is how I saw myself

Maybe not the Harry Carey glasses, but the lively woman she is.  Now as hard as I try, I can't picture myself old.  I think maybe I'm afraid of the future now.  Like there is something in my brain that wont turn on. Like a door has been shut because what lies behind it may be to frightening for me to handle.  Then again, maybe my brain is having a hard time adjusting to all of this new knowledge I have have obtained.  Is there an overload on your brain?  Say, if I were to forget my locker combination from seventh grade, maybe I could empty up a little space in there and be able to think about the future more.  I just looked at the picture above again, to be honest this is how I had always seen myself.

Hands that had worked hard for years.  Hair covered because it looks like shit.  Think about it for a minute.  The only person I would let do my hair is older then I am, I would venture to say she's no longer at the Depot.  But I am standing strong and saying what's on my mind.  That is the old lady I want to be. Guess it is true that life and weather both change daily.  I can deal with the weather, I will simply throw on a sweater.  Is there a sweater for life?  A coat of sort to shield me from what life is going to throw at me. 
Today has been a good day.