Valentines Day

Valentines Day.  The international day of love.   yea, yea, yea   I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day. For me it's way too much of a card-company holiday, where people are extraordinarily nice to each other for that day, and spend lots of money for overpriced items that are commercialized, but this day did make me begin to think.  As I stood at the local drug store looking for a card, for that special someone, one that isn't to serious, one that isn't to childish, one that just says "hey glad your in my life"  What I really wanted was to find a card that says "hey, I appreciate you".   A card that would put it all out there.  I'm sorry this shit is happening.  I know you didn't sign up for this. I hate asking for help. I don't know how bad this will get.  I never want to be a burden.  A card that says, Happy Valentines Day...I'm scared as well.   I heard the fear in Doug's voice the day I told him what the Doctors had said.  He was no foreigner to this disease.  His uncle fought this beast for over 25 years.  My mother is fighting the good fight as well.  He was well aware of what it meant.

  Now, any couple that have been together as long as we have, has faced a few rocky patches.  Sometimes, those rocky patches felt like mountains under our feet.  We don't agree on everything.  As a matter of fact, we don't agree on a lot of things.  We do agree to disagree and I guess that works for us.  I feel sorry for him sometimes lately.  I see the way he is changing.  He is doing more around the house, and doesn't complain at all.  He is quick to help carry in groceries and load laundry down the stairs.   He is there, and that means so much.  Neither of us know what lies in our future.  Hell, for that matter no one knows what's in their future.  I must say mine is a bit brighter with him in it.  Maybe it's valentines day bringing all of this on, or maybe it's because he wants to start reading my blog and this will get me brownie points.  But, when you are handed these cards in life and you have someone willing to play the same shitty hand it sure makes it easier to look the dealer dead in the eye and say  "I am all in."

  Today is a good day.